Strategies to Silence the Inner Impostor

Hello Friends,

Happy Monday! Now that we have peeled back the layers of the imposter syndrome (read last week's blog post here), what are some strategies we can adopt to silence this imposter?

Well, before we discuss the strategies, it is crucial to clarify that imposter syndrome is not rooted in an overall lack of self-confidence. Also, imposter syndrome is not really about having low self-esteem. Low self-esteem is a negative perception of yourself that makes you judge yourself harshly, while imposter syndrome is a feeling that you do not deserve the things that you have achieved or that your skills, knowledge, and experiences are not responsible for any achievements rather it is luck or someone else’s kindness.  There is a thin line between the two and while they may seem similar and go hand in hand, they are not identical.

For instance, someone with imposter syndrome may overachieve or over prepare for a project because of a fear that if they do not overprepare people may “discover” that they do not deserve the position they are in. Outwardly such a person may come off as really ambitious and confident about their skills. After all, there is a lot of evidence of their success. Inwardly, however, such a person is experiencing stress and negative self-talk. In such a situation, the person might hold back from fully embracing career opportunities. Despite getting compliments, they may have a lingering feeling of unfufilment. Additionally, there is the worry that any future missteps or failures could be seen as a sign that all their past successes were just a stroke of luck. On the other hand, someone with low self-esteem may focus immensely on their failures or weaknesses. They may acknowledge their successes, but they would be quick to also point out and dwell on areas where they made mistakes or have shortcomings. Such a person may also speak to themselves negatively and judge themselves too harshly.

The Examples

Now that we have distinguished between these two frequently misunderstood concepts, how can we deal with imposter syndrome?  Well, let’s first look at some famous people who also thought they were “imposters.”

E = mc² - Einstein’s theory of relativity is globally mentioned and yet Albert Einstein struggled with imposter syndrome precisely because of how successful and revered he became. He once said: “The exaggerated esteem in which my lifework is held makes me very ill at ease. I feel compelled to think of myself as an involuntary swindler.”

Isn’t that interesting? Albert Einstein felt that the positive view of his work was exaggerated. In other words, he did not believe that he deserved all that praise. Interesting to hear this about someone whose work is still being taught in schools around the world. 

In 2014, Kenyan actress Lupita Ny’ongo won an Oscar for her performance in Twelve Years A Slave. It is well known that winning an Oscar is the highest accolade and signals an immense acknowledgement that one’s skill and talent as an actor is noteworthy. However, in an interview with The Hollywood Report, Ny’ongo stated that at that time her feelings of imposter syndrome were at an all time high. 

Former First Lady of the USA, Michelle Obama has also shared that her feelings of imposter syndrome never go away. When asked how she feels about being a symbol of hope she responded: “I still have a little [bit of] impostor syndrome, it never goes away, that you're actually listening to me. It doesn't go away, that feeling that you shouldn't take me that seriously. What do I know? [...] I share that with you because we all have doubts in our abilities, about our power and what that power is."

Wolfgang Johannes Puck an Austrian-American chef and restaurateur who has received multiple accolades including the  Golden Plate Award of the American Academy of Achievement and is noted as one of the 100 Most Powerful People in Global Hospitality openly admitted his experiences with imposter syndrome.

Acclaimed actor Tom Hanks has also openly shared how imposter syndrome has affected him and his work as an actor: 

"No matter what we've done, there comes a point where you think, 'How did I get here? When are they going to discover that I am, in fact, a fraud and take everything away from me?' [...] There are days when I know that [at] 3 o'clock tomorrow afternoon I am going to have to deliver some degree of emotional goods, and if I can't do it, that means I'm going to have to fake it. If I fake it, that means they might catch me at faking it, and if they catch me at faking it, well, then it's just doomsday."

Former Chief Operating Officer of Meta Platforms (Facebook), Sheryl Sandberg has shared that "Every time I took a test, I was sure that it had gone badly. And every time I didn't embarrass myself -- or even excelled -- I believed that I had fooled everyone yet again. One day soon, the jig would be up." Sonia Sotomayor, the first Hispanic Supreme Court Justice - the highest level for any judge in the USA - once said: “I have spent my years since Princeton, while at law school and in my various professional jobs, not feeling completely a part of the worlds I inhabit. I am always looking over my shoulder wondering if I measure up." And finally, Neil Armstrong - the first person to land on the moon - once said pointing to a room full of people, words to the effect of “I just look at all these people, and I think, what the heck am I doing here? They’ve made amazing things. I just went where I was sent.”

We could go on. Countless successful entrepreneurs, leaders, founders, managers, creatives, and innovators are beginning to share their experiences with imposter syndrome to break the stigma and misconception of this common phenomenon. Why have we shared these experiences? Two reasons: First, to highlight how common and prevalent imposter syndrome is. Just because someone projects confidence and is highly successful does not mean they do not deal with internal battles. You can be confident and still deal with imposter syndrome. So if you find yourself experiencing any form of imposter syndrome just know that you are not alone. Second, we shared these experiences to help you identify how imposter syndrome may show up in yourself or in others. The sooner we remove the misunderstandings around imposter syndrome and share how we or someone we know uniquely experiences it, the sooner we can build strategies to silence that inner voice telling us we do not deserve it or that we are a fraud. 

Some Strategies to Silence the Inner Imposter

So let us get into some strategies: 

1. Talk About It: The most obvious strategy is to talk about it. Find someone you can confide in and share how you are thinking about yourself. Imposter Syndrome “thrives” in the darkness - bring it to the light. 

1. Know that Imposter Syndrome is a State of Mind, It is Not Reality: Imposter syndrome is a psychological phenomenon and it is connected to how we think about ourselves and our achievements. One way to clue in and see the difference between reality and how you are perceiving it is to ask yourself : - how am I talking to myself about this? - When I think about my achievements is it through a negative lens? - What if I am wrong and I do deserve these accolades? We are often encouraged to be humble but imposter syndrome is different from humility (and we will discuss that difference in next week’s post).
   

2. Focus on the Facts: Try to distinguish the facts from the story you tell yourself about the facts. Here’s an example. You just won a company award for best customer service provider of the year based on the reviews of 100 customers. That is a fact. The story you may tell yourself could be positive or negative. A negative story that someone dealing with imposter syndrome could tell themselves is: “It was nice of them to give me this award but I don’t know if I can do it again - I was just lucky,” or “Oh wow, this is lovely but now they will expect me to do this again and if I don’t they will realize that they made a mistake to give me the award in the first place,” or “Oh no, I don’t deserve to receive such an award. The other people I know who have received such awards are so much better than me.”  If you or someone you know tells themselves such types of stories about their achievements, break the train of thought by reminding them to focus on the facts. 
   

3. Make Imposter Syndrome Work For You: We love this advice from Tomer Hen, Founder and CEO of Mobco Media and former Forbes Council Member. He came up with a practical game he plays on himself whenever the feelings of imposter syndrome arise. He calls it the “I’m not good enough”game. This is how to play it. First, whenever doubt about a challenging project comes up take that doubt as an invitation to grow and improve. Second, ask yourself: “If I’m not good enough to complete this task the way I want to, whom do I need to ask for advice? If I’m not confident enough to make this meeting successful, what added value can I bring to the table to be certain I contribute? If I’m not skilled enough to run this business, what course or coach do I employ to help me master this skill?” This practical game flips the script because instead of allowing imposter syndrome to cause you to shrink away or approach the task fearfully, it empowers you to tackle the problem head on by seeking help. And it may just happen that as you seek help you realise that you had what it takes anyway. 
   

4. Break Up the Task Into Bite Size Pieces: One of the ways imposter syndrome thrives is by misleading us to focus on the big picture of what failure would mean or what people would think if/when we fail. When we focus on this “big picture” of what our perceived failure today might mean about all our achievements it can deepen our self-doubt. Here is some experience from Adejoké - a singer-songwriter, Konseye Mentor and Founder of Konseye The Mentorship Network: “When I was working on my debut album, I was petrified that there were so many better singers out there and others whose voices deserved to be heard more than mine. It did not matter that people had praised my voice, that I had sang on prominent stages, or that I had successfully completed projects, this particular endeavour felt like I was about to be revealed as a fraud, a fake, a phony. I wanted to quit before I was ‘discovered’ to be a fake and publicly laughed at (these were the thoughts in my head).” So what did Adejoké do and what is her recommendation for you?  According to Adejoké: “I sat down and wrote down all the things I needed to do to get the project to completion, from hiring a producer to continuing daily vocal exercises to strengthen my voice, and the administrative tasks of hiring session musicians and getting an ISBN number. I broke everything into bite sized pieces. Once I did that I told myself that I just need to take one step. After that step I will evaluate whether I can continue or not. So all I needed to do was to focus on just one step. Once I reached that step, I would look at the next step and say ‘okay, let’s just focus on this. If we can do it, great. If we can’t do it, it’s not a problem we can end it right there.’ Bit by bit I was taking step after step until before I realized it I had, figuratively speaking, climbed the whole staircase! I was done - I had a completed music project in my hands. This process of breaking the task into bite sized pieces ensured that I did not cave under the weight of the imposter syndrome I was feeling. Instead I acknowledged it and took baby steps until I achieved what I wanted. And guess what? The moment I was done with each step the voice that was telling me I couldn’t do it and I didn't belong was SILENT.” Adejoké also applied this approach while pursuing her Doctor of International Affairs degree. Whenever doubts arose, she drew inspiration from her mother's wise words: "you are closer to the finish line than the start." With this encouragement, she continued breaking the tasks down, taking steps toward her goal, and consistently moving forward.

So there you have it - some strategies to deal with imposter syndrome while knowing that such thoughts are normal and can be overcomed. If you want to dig deeper into handling imposter syndrome in your specific situation, why not join one of our group mentoring sessions with a Konseye Mentor, or chat more with the community in our Community Forum. And if you would like additional resources, here’s a great article from ASANA on this topic. 

We want to hear from you - let us know your thoughts in the comments. Have a wonderful week and remember, with the right network anything is possible!

Team Konseye